I have to be honest with you I'm really fighting the Christmas blues. Usually by now I have the tree up and working on the outside. I would have already been shopping. I have nothing done at all! I put up a couple of decorations to satisfy the pleas coming from the kids. I really am so thankful for sooooo much. Really I am. This ultimatily has been a very rough season for us ( this past fall)- financially. God is so taking us on a journey that is just stretching us beyond stretching- well at least thats the way it feels. So if you have been following my blog you know we are praying for breakthrough. Our loans for the business have not come through yet - its actually been a very cruelling process. And many of our clients are simply just not paying. So its been a very triing time in our house. Papa is making provision though.
This morning as I was laying in bed talking with the Lord - I think I was sorta whining. Yep I said whining. Ugh I hate sounding like a whiner. And that is exactly what I sounded like. It actually made me mad. I was like Lord I need to know that you love me and your here for me - bla bla bla. I'm serious. I just stopped and thought about if I was standing by God and listening to me and then I was like wow I sound like a wimpy baby! Boy did that fire me up. So I changed my frame of thinking - So this is sorta what my conversation changed too. " ok Lord the truth is I love you. and I am so hungry for you! I am so thirsty for more of you! I long to be in your presence. To be filled with your dews of heaven. To be filled with your joy. " uhhhhhhhhhh deep breath. Ya know what just dawned on me then- the enemy has been cyphening our joy! So out of bed I jumped and up the stairs I went and fight mode I was in. I gathered the family and cranked on some worship music and said to the family "dance!" We are going to worship and dance for our joy back. So Cooper standing on his chair eating his breakfast shakin his tush. Chloe rockin and spinning w/ Mckenzie. Cade jumping up and down and Daddy doing a little twist. I love it! I am not going to let the enemy rob my joy or my love! Enough!
It changed the way I thought my day might go. Thank you Lord that you love me so!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
What would you say to God?
Early this morning I was awaken from a weird dream and might I add most of my dreams are weird but there was such a presence with this dream that it woke me. So as I lay in bed I sorta drifted off into a zone of everything that is going on in my life - completely awake might I add. Then I felt this heavy presence come on me again. So I just began praying. I felt like I had someone pressing my arms down. And it left and I sat up looked around and laid down again and it happened again. And that was it.
When I awoke this morning - later I was just quietly wondering about this experience-as its not the first time this has happened - usually always w/ a different twist or dream or vision. Not this time though.
To be completely honest with you I have been asking the Lord to come to his heavens, to walk w/ him to see him, to touch his garment. To know his heart and what he's thinking.
My thoughts clearly went to what will I ask you when this happens. I mean what will I say to Papa when I am standing fully in his presence. I mean will I even be able to stand? Will I try to say something and nothing will come out of my mouth? Or will I cry? Sorta reminds me of that song- I can only imagine.... But its not going to be my imagination!
I think I know what I want to say and ask. How about you? What would you say?
When I awoke this morning - later I was just quietly wondering about this experience-as its not the first time this has happened - usually always w/ a different twist or dream or vision. Not this time though.
To be completely honest with you I have been asking the Lord to come to his heavens, to walk w/ him to see him, to touch his garment. To know his heart and what he's thinking.
My thoughts clearly went to what will I ask you when this happens. I mean what will I say to Papa when I am standing fully in his presence. I mean will I even be able to stand? Will I try to say something and nothing will come out of my mouth? Or will I cry? Sorta reminds me of that song- I can only imagine.... But its not going to be my imagination!
I think I know what I want to say and ask. How about you? What would you say?
Thursday, November 5, 2009
I Love Birthdays!
Today is #2's birthday. She turns 8! I still can't believe it! We had a rockin birhtday party for her on Sunday. We played some fun games ate cupcakes and went for a hayride. I think it was a hit! We were expecting about 11 kids and we ended up having 20. Ha! I totally love lovin on kids. Alot of the siblings came to drop off the kids so I was like hey just stay.... So we had a blast!
This morning I was getting the "doodle" ready for school and Nana called to sing happy birthday to her - I was like "ah man - I always am the first one to sing to you!" So I scooped her up in my arms and sang "you are so beautiful to me" to her with tears in my eyes and love just pouring out of hers. Ahhhhh a moment in time to put in my treasure box. I just love her so! She truley is an amazing
This morning I was getting the "doodle" ready for school and Nana called to sing happy birthday to her - I was like "ah man - I always am the first one to sing to you!" So I scooped her up in my arms and sang "you are so beautiful to me" to her with tears in my eyes and love just pouring out of hers. Ahhhhh a moment in time to put in my treasure box. I just love her so! She truley is an amazing
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
ummm Lord are you still there?
Hey where did you go? Lord are you still there? Are you still listening? I can't seem to find you at the moment.... are you hiding?
This IS exactly how I feel. I believe there is many people that feel this way and probably give up seaching for him. When things don't go the way - well the way I want them to go, I get frustrated. Do you? Am I really frustrated right now? You have NO idea!
Maybe your battle isn't financial maybe its healing, maybe its disbelief. Check this scripture out Galations 6;9 let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Today and well yesterday and the day before has been... Lord did I miss you - did we not do something right? Whats wrong? I am no longer confering w/ people - period. I am seeking "him". We have not received the breakthrough that we have been praying for. Actually everytime I think we are about there something else happens. Things are so intense in our house right now. It is finally effecting my husband. Before it was all on me. But I do believe the Lord wants him to partake in the fire as well. The bank stiffened up its demands so much that our back up investor decided that we need to find a more reasonable bank. Let this be a tip for all you- do not tick off the president of a bank or there spouse if you do business with them!
I have to say that I am very proud of my hubby for putting all of his time and effort into nurturing his business. He is amazing! Him and his partner were working for the president of the bank that finances our business and there happened to be a disagreement between my husbands partner and the presidents wife. So they decided that it would be best they didnt work for them anymore. So this was 3 or 4 months ago. Now the banks demands for our loans and what nots have become so unreasonable. Total power thing. Its pitiful! Really! Is this what people do if you tick them off. Threaten to destroy your credit and yank there funding out from under them if you don't answer there demands. This is total pride and arragonce. And we are in the middle of it and reaping the benifits of it. Yea us.
So as we formulate a new plan and go to another bank we are in a waiting period. I honestly believe Papa will work this out for the better. And this is all apart of the shaking and breakthrough we are praying for.
Jeremiah 29:11-12 "for I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."
I love this scripture- I actually pray this as a prayer and think of when things get really tough.
Also I love this scripture:
1corinthians 2:9 "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived- these things God has prepared for those who love him"
Its really not in bold in the bible but it should be. I'm going to tell you right now that I love the Lord! And today in one of my ongoing prayer pep rally talks that I have w/ "him" and then myself and them"him" was. " Father I am going to love you know matter what. If we lose our house and have to claim bankruptcy then so be it. I don't want that - but you know the future you know what lies ahead and my hope is in you all day long!" {a side note : this was the conversation I had today w/ God in my laundry room. and I wasn't like boo hoo or whoa is me. but w/ tears and all out plea.
I have made the decision to follow him no matter what. Rich or poor. breakthrough or no. hot or cold. health or not.
I am not stopping pursuing him!
He has made promises over me and my family and I am not forgetting them!
He has made promises over you- did you know that? Cmon did you? Have you said a prayer and it wasn't answered? so you gave up? you said he's not real? or he doesn't love you?
Our God is deep and wonderful and so full of treasure and he longs to share it. Well I want it. I want to go deeper and higher and I want to see him and walk with him. I long to wrap my arms around him.
I AM NOT GIVING UP! I AM NOT STOPPING! I MIGHT BE IN THE FURNACE! I DONT CARE! I AM GOING TO SEE BREAKTHROUGH COME FOR MY FAMILY AND FOR ME! AND WHEN I DO - YOU ARE GOING TO KNOW! IF I CAN DO IT- THEN SO CAN YOU !!!!!!!
This IS exactly how I feel. I believe there is many people that feel this way and probably give up seaching for him. When things don't go the way - well the way I want them to go, I get frustrated. Do you? Am I really frustrated right now? You have NO idea!
Maybe your battle isn't financial maybe its healing, maybe its disbelief. Check this scripture out Galations 6;9 let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Today and well yesterday and the day before has been... Lord did I miss you - did we not do something right? Whats wrong? I am no longer confering w/ people - period. I am seeking "him". We have not received the breakthrough that we have been praying for. Actually everytime I think we are about there something else happens. Things are so intense in our house right now. It is finally effecting my husband. Before it was all on me. But I do believe the Lord wants him to partake in the fire as well. The bank stiffened up its demands so much that our back up investor decided that we need to find a more reasonable bank. Let this be a tip for all you- do not tick off the president of a bank or there spouse if you do business with them!
I have to say that I am very proud of my hubby for putting all of his time and effort into nurturing his business. He is amazing! Him and his partner were working for the president of the bank that finances our business and there happened to be a disagreement between my husbands partner and the presidents wife. So they decided that it would be best they didnt work for them anymore. So this was 3 or 4 months ago. Now the banks demands for our loans and what nots have become so unreasonable. Total power thing. Its pitiful! Really! Is this what people do if you tick them off. Threaten to destroy your credit and yank there funding out from under them if you don't answer there demands. This is total pride and arragonce. And we are in the middle of it and reaping the benifits of it. Yea us.
So as we formulate a new plan and go to another bank we are in a waiting period. I honestly believe Papa will work this out for the better. And this is all apart of the shaking and breakthrough we are praying for.
Jeremiah 29:11-12 "for I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."
I love this scripture- I actually pray this as a prayer and think of when things get really tough.
Also I love this scripture:
1corinthians 2:9 "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived- these things God has prepared for those who love him"
Its really not in bold in the bible but it should be. I'm going to tell you right now that I love the Lord! And today in one of my ongoing prayer pep rally talks that I have w/ "him" and then myself and them"him" was. " Father I am going to love you know matter what. If we lose our house and have to claim bankruptcy then so be it. I don't want that - but you know the future you know what lies ahead and my hope is in you all day long!" {a side note : this was the conversation I had today w/ God in my laundry room. and I wasn't like boo hoo or whoa is me. but w/ tears and all out plea.
I have made the decision to follow him no matter what. Rich or poor. breakthrough or no. hot or cold. health or not.
I am not stopping pursuing him!
He has made promises over me and my family and I am not forgetting them!
He has made promises over you- did you know that? Cmon did you? Have you said a prayer and it wasn't answered? so you gave up? you said he's not real? or he doesn't love you?
Our God is deep and wonderful and so full of treasure and he longs to share it. Well I want it. I want to go deeper and higher and I want to see him and walk with him. I long to wrap my arms around him.
I AM NOT GIVING UP! I AM NOT STOPPING! I MIGHT BE IN THE FURNACE! I DONT CARE! I AM GOING TO SEE BREAKTHROUGH COME FOR MY FAMILY AND FOR ME! AND WHEN I DO - YOU ARE GOING TO KNOW! IF I CAN DO IT- THEN SO CAN YOU !!!!!!!
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