broken...

Greetings friends! This is my 3rd start to this blog( i keep deleting and starting over!). Can I share my experience with you today? A humbling one? Well good because I am.

Today we went to the new doctors for the kids. So yea that was really interesting. I'm not sure how I survived it without turning around and leaving...in the parking lot before I even parked. Yes thats not a good sign is it? Can I tell you that I am being humbled beyond my imagination. In a previous blog I mentioned that we got kicked off our blue chip and were so graciouly put on medicade. It was a 2 month battle that I did not win and we were stuck with the doctor that was pre-chosen for us. No one else excepted this insurance so we being directed to a inner city health center.

All I can say is God must be giving me courage that I didn't know that I had. As I drove thru a part of the city that is not a place that I would typically drive slowly or find a parking spot. So I find the center that is placed right beside a church and in front of probably a crack house. So we went into the building that had a pharmacy located in it. Does your doctors office have that? Hmmmmmm. Yea thats pretty interesting. We walked thru the building and found the pediatrics. As I sat there my eyes are just brimming... thinking Lord what are you doing to us? We felt very out of place- please I am saying that very humbling but honestly. Look the truth is I could have just walked out of there. I almost did but I coudn't - the kids needed there shots. I could give you all the disparing details of the rooms, the help, the people. My son kept saying to me "Mom I don't like this place." As we left I asked him "Ok so what did you think of that place?" and I expected him to remark about the people but he just said " the room was to small and not very nice but the doctor was really nice- I liked her." Hmmm wow- thats pretty cool. I have a pretty level headed kid. "Yea, the doctor was really great" I said "and you know we are no better then any of these people that are there. You know that right?" I finished. " Yea I know" My son said. "God loves these people the same as us, we really are no different". I added.

After we got home I was folding clothes and rehashing my afternoon. Wondering why us. What Lord are you taking us thru and for what reason. Even now as I am writing this part of me is thinking I can't believe you would even subject yourself to that -your better then that. Really?

This has been the most challenging month for us. I thought gee this can't get any worse and it has. I will spare you all the details but I will say this we arent the same. We are not stuck up. We are not selfish. We are no better then anyone else. We are broken. We are at the mercy of our Lord. If we didn't believe in him we would have never made it this far. We are changed. We are preciously place in Papas hands. And only now are we beginning to live. Anything and everything could not be in our favor right now its simply not.

Our eyes are being opened. Our hearts are to the point that there is no resistance. Could this be where the Lord is readying us?