Dance those blues away!

I have to be honest with you I'm really fighting the Christmas blues. Usually by now I have the tree up and working on the outside. I would have already been shopping. I have nothing done at all! I put up a couple of decorations to satisfy the pleas coming from the kids. I really am so thankful for sooooo much. Really I am. This ultimatily has been a very rough season for us ( this past fall)- financially. God is so taking us on a journey that is just stretching us beyond stretching- well at least thats the way it feels. So if you have been following my blog you know we are praying for breakthrough. Our loans for the business have not come through yet - its actually been a very cruelling process. And many of our clients are simply just not paying. So its been a very triing time in our house. Papa is making provision though.

This morning as I was laying in bed talking with the Lord - I think I was sorta whining. Yep I said whining. Ugh I hate sounding like a whiner. And that is exactly what I sounded like. It actually made me mad. I was like Lord I need to know that you love me and your here for me - bla bla bla. I'm serious. I just stopped and thought about if I was standing by God and listening to me and then I was like wow I sound like a wimpy baby! Boy did that fire me up. So I changed my frame of thinking - So this is sorta what my conversation changed too. " ok Lord the truth is I love you. and I am so hungry for you! I am so thirsty for more of you! I long to be in your presence. To be filled with your dews of heaven. To be filled with your joy. " uhhhhhhhhhh deep breath. Ya know what just dawned on me then- the enemy has been cyphening our joy! So out of bed I jumped and up the stairs I went and fight mode I was in. I gathered the family and cranked on some worship music and said to the family "dance!" We are going to worship and dance for our joy back. So Cooper standing on his chair eating his breakfast shakin his tush. Chloe rockin and spinning w/ Mckenzie. Cade jumping up and down and Daddy doing a little twist. I love it! I am not going to let the enemy rob my joy or my love! Enough!

It changed the way I thought my day might go. Thank you Lord that you love me so!

What would you say to God?

Early this morning I was awaken from a weird dream and might I add most of my dreams are weird but there was such a presence with this dream that it woke me. So as I lay in bed I sorta drifted off into a zone of everything that is going on in my life - completely awake might I add. Then I felt this heavy presence come on me again. So I just began praying. I felt like I had someone pressing my arms down. And it left and I sat up looked around and laid down again and it happened again. And that was it.

When I awoke this morning - later I was just quietly wondering about this experience-as its not the first time this has happened - usually always w/ a different twist or dream or vision. Not this time though.

To be completely honest with you I have been asking the Lord to come to his heavens, to walk w/ him to see him, to touch his garment. To know his heart and what he's thinking.

My thoughts clearly went to what will I ask you when this happens. I mean what will I say to Papa when I am standing fully in his presence. I mean will I even be able to stand? Will I try to say something and nothing will come out of my mouth? Or will I cry? Sorta reminds me of that song- I can only imagine.... But its not going to be my imagination!

I think I know what I want to say and ask. How about you? What would you say?

I Love Birthdays!

Today is #2's birthday. She turns 8! I still can't believe it! We had a rockin birhtday party for her on Sunday. We played some fun games ate cupcakes and went for a hayride. I think it was a hit! We were expecting about 11 kids and we ended up having 20. Ha! I totally love lovin on kids. Alot of the siblings came to drop off the kids so I was like hey just stay.... So we had a blast!

This morning I was getting the "doodle" ready for school and Nana called to sing happy birthday to her - I was like "ah man - I always am the first one to sing to you!" So I scooped her up in my arms and sang "you are so beautiful to me" to her with tears in my eyes and love just pouring out of hers. Ahhhhh a moment in time to put in my treasure box. I just love her so! She truley is an amazing

ummm Lord are you still there?

Hey where did you go? Lord are you still there? Are you still listening? I can't seem to find you at the moment.... are you hiding?

This IS exactly how I feel. I believe there is many people that feel this way and probably give up seaching for him. When things don't go the way - well the way I want them to go, I get frustrated. Do you? Am I really frustrated right now? You have NO idea!

Maybe your battle isn't financial maybe its healing, maybe its disbelief. Check this scripture out Galations 6;9 let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Today and well yesterday and the day before has been... Lord did I miss you - did we not do something right? Whats wrong? I am no longer confering w/ people - period. I am seeking "him". We have not received the breakthrough that we have been praying for. Actually everytime I think we are about there something else happens. Things are so intense in our house right now. It is finally effecting my husband. Before it was all on me. But I do believe the Lord wants him to partake in the fire as well. The bank stiffened up its demands so much that our back up investor decided that we need to find a more reasonable bank. Let this be a tip for all you- do not tick off the president of a bank or there spouse if you do business with them!

I have to say that I am very proud of my hubby for putting all of his time and effort into nurturing his business. He is amazing! Him and his partner were working for the president of the bank that finances our business and there happened to be a disagreement between my husbands partner and the presidents wife. So they decided that it would be best they didnt work for them anymore. So this was 3 or 4 months ago. Now the banks demands for our loans and what nots have become so unreasonable. Total power thing. Its pitiful! Really! Is this what people do if you tick them off. Threaten to destroy your credit and yank there funding out from under them if you don't answer there demands. This is total pride and arragonce. And we are in the middle of it and reaping the benifits of it. Yea us.

So as we formulate a new plan and go to another bank we are in a waiting period. I honestly believe Papa will work this out for the better. And this is all apart of the shaking and breakthrough we are praying for.

Jeremiah 29:11-12 "for I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."

I love this scripture- I actually pray this as a prayer and think of when things get really tough.
Also I love this scripture:

1corinthians 2:9 "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived- these things God has prepared for those who love him"

Its really not in bold in the bible but it should be. I'm going to tell you right now that I love the Lord! And today in one of my ongoing prayer pep rally talks that I have w/ "him" and then myself and them"him" was. " Father I am going to love you know matter what. If we lose our house and have to claim bankruptcy then so be it. I don't want that - but you know the future you know what lies ahead and my hope is in you all day long!" {a side note : this was the conversation I had today w/ God in my laundry room. and I wasn't like boo hoo or whoa is me. but w/ tears and all out plea.

I have made the decision to follow him no matter what. Rich or poor. breakthrough or no. hot or cold. health or not.
I am not stopping pursuing him!

He has made promises over me and my family and I am not forgetting them!

He has made promises over you- did you know that? Cmon did you? Have you said a prayer and it wasn't answered? so you gave up? you said he's not real? or he doesn't love you?

Our God is deep and wonderful and so full of treasure and he longs to share it. Well I want it. I want to go deeper and higher and I want to see him and walk with him. I long to wrap my arms around him.

I AM NOT GIVING UP! I AM NOT STOPPING! I MIGHT BE IN THE FURNACE! I DONT CARE! I AM GOING TO SEE BREAKTHROUGH COME FOR MY FAMILY AND FOR ME! AND WHEN I DO - YOU ARE GOING TO KNOW! IF I CAN DO IT- THEN SO CAN YOU !!!!!!!

I think the atmosphere has changed...

Its Friday! A long way from Monday! Can I just tell you! Wow! I am going to tell you and I'm not sure if I can completely explain it but.... something is different. The atmoshpere has changed. Some sort of shift has happend - whether it was in the heavenlys or here on earth or just in my house. I can feel it. Things were not so good last week. Very intense. Now its like its just melting away.

I had some incredible dreams this week and visitations - that I am not going to share but that I feel has triggered this.

We have been praying for breakthrough for 2 years. Yes 2 years and the last year and a half has been intense.

I dont know but I think we are at the point of entry. It sure feels like it!

Am i being evasive? ummm lets see.... yes I am. I love blogging even if no one reads it! Its such a great way to sort and clear my mind.

Lets start with Monday night or Tuesday morning.... I had a dream that I believed turn into a visistation of angels. Well that was enough to change my perspesctive. Every nite since I have had revelatory dreams. So now this is getting exciting. I'm not sure what it all meant and I am praying for revelation. But to explain it a little better its like I have been in the sahara desert. And its starting to rain. And this morning I was reading Isaiah 41:17-20 which talks about the poor and needy in search of water- trust me just read the scripture. I was like oh wow I never saw that before. This describes me. hmmmm.

We have been praying for breakthrough and 2 times this week the words jumped off a page of a book or newspaper or something like that. I was like hmmm thats never happened before- I havent seen those words in anything Ive been reading.

We have been waiting to hear back from the bank for loans and other things that would help grow the biz and also solve our timing issues being that we are a small biz. I had a dream yesterday we were denied and when the bank called and said we would have to front cash or cd's - I really wasn't surprised. So I was like ok Lord this is all in your hands.

Because of the economy the banks are not giving free money unless you have lots in collateral or whatever. Lets just say someone w/ lots of what they need stepped in and said what ever you need- I support you and will do whatever to see your biz grow.

Ok uh .... hmmm. ok ... WOW! this is huge! But then I was like Lord the dream. And I felt like he said The dream was only part of it. If I didnt want this I would have hardend his heart so He wouldn't have offered. oh ok.

So the end of the week is much different then the beginning and the week isn't over . Yea God.

I feel like the Lord is saying "lets get something started".

Can you feel it? I really think something in the atmosphere has changed... just sayin.

Lord what is in store for us this week?

Wow we survived! What a crazy week! Talk about a shakin! Can I just tell you that several weeks ago we declared as husband and wife that we would seek "his" kingdom first. When we need help we wouldn't ask or tell but come to Papa. And so the testing has begun.

First our oven stopped working and is still NOT but I have a long time old friend coming to fix it. Then our land line phone quit working and yes like I told my husband I did pay the bill. And then Friday night my van died ( thank you Jesus it was only the battery ). Can anyone relate? Well thats not all. We were cashless and no food (well basics like bread, milk, meat).

I know I probably come across basically optimistic. I cried a lot! The week before it was about paying our utilities so they wouldnt be shut off and by the end of the week it was everything else. Hey it could have been much worse! Really! Last week the Lord provided money to go to the store, he showed Kevin what was wrong with the phone so he could fix it and the van.

This is one of the most incredible times that we are living in. As a family. We have never indured so much. I can't explain it but I feel like a super hero super natural strength). Like a survivor. Papa came and he provided. And it was amazing!

Maybe to some it doesn't seem like much. But when everything else is taken away - what is left - you are so grateful for! Even the smallest- which in our case was huge!

So this morning as I was sitting at the computer this all dawned at me. Wow we survived. We are still alive! Yea God! Then I was thinking oh Lord. What will this week bring? sigh.... all I can say is Father I love you and I will love you no matter what. Maybe breakthrough will happen this week. Maybe it won't... but I am not going to stop praying or believing. We are going to keep pushing through. Even when I feel like quitting... I' m not! My trust is in you Lord all day long!

get ready for the shift...

Wow what an incredible last couple of weeks I have had. I just didn't have the heart to post until I got a grasp on what is going on. It has been 2 years of declaring prosperity and debtfreeness over our house hold. We have been praying for the "biz" to prosper and our finances to be better with less debt and more money at the end of the week. We have been praying for a "change" in our inheritance for our children. That our children would be a part of a prospering family. For some reading this I should maybe explain this is not about getting rich and buying toys. This is not about money although at times money it is the root to our troubles. This is simply about walking in the plans the Lord has for us and prospering in it. I will say that after 2 years we are a little less in debt. So thats good. Although there is no money left over. So let me tell you about the last 2-3 weeks...

About 2 months ago (haha I know I said 2-3 weeks- just bear w/ me) are blue chip healthcare got denied for the kids and we were told that medicade would get it and deny it and boot it back to blue chip but medicade decided to accept it. Yea for us. So I spent the last 6 weeks fighting it. Most of this occured because of our taxes and owning a business and write-offs and bla bla bla.
The day before the final day of debating this with a "caseworker" I really felt the Lord saying to me - I need to stop accepting a poverty mentality. I'm like "Lord is that you?" "c'mon how can i not have a poverty mentality when we are excepting public welfare? bla! I really went around and around w/ Papa about this. Of course he won. A few days before I had this flashing thought "how dirty are you willing to get?" whoa.. what was that? then i heard it again... " where are willing to go for me?"... man this wrecked me. I was like Lord I will go where you tell me to go... where ever that may be.- i meant it. and i still do. So then I had complete peace w/ accepting this medicade. So I spent the day on the phone figuring out the new doctors and moving records around. We havent been to the new dr. yet but its in the "big city". I checked it out and well its not going to be... well better like this... " toto were not in Kansa anymore" that is for sure. But I have complete peace about it. Its all very weird.

I heard this phrase "everything in the kingdom is upside down" well I believe there is a "shift"taking place now! Here! My family. I keep hearing this over and over again" Get ready for a shift" .

Now the next part I am going to share w/ you - I feel like I should but please- do not take pity or whatever I just feel there is someone that needs to read this. These last 3 weeks have been the most intense finacially we have gone through. I'm not really sure because its been worse. A good friend asked me "so hows it going?" BOY was that the wrong thing to say to me. I was like bla blba bla about healthcare and bills and money and in between all of that I was like " I felt like the Lord said to me "Ask me where I want to take the "biz". and bla bla bla. So my friend was like uh are you applying that to your own situation at home w/ money and bills and whatever....?
um yea um NO! WOW was that like turning on the lightbulb. Thankyou friend for being obeidiant to the Lord and what you are sensing. Papa has so been triing to convey this to me and I sooooo just was not getting this. Man did I repent on my knees. And so the next couple of weeks we have been livin on total faith. And I am so thankful of Gods grace on me. All I can say is we have had no money to buy food and my oven is down and that was all offered to be taken care of this week. I cant think of next week but I am trusting in the Lord for today and next week he will take care of that too. Its a growing list of things that need fixed or replaced or whatever... I am seeking him first - his kingdom. I think this all a must in order to "shift". I have never been in this place before. Its extrememly uncomfortable. But I have this very weird peace. ( which is totally God) but its also extrememly exhilarating. not sure if that makes sence at all but.... thats just where we are at. Well thats it for now. There really is so much more to share - oh wait 1 more thing. The last 2 years i have been waking up at 3:40- which I felt meant complete trial. This past spring there was a "shift" to 3:41. complete the fullness of promises. And these past couple of weeks its been crazy stuff like 11:11 change change and 11:41 and 1:11 and every combo of these #"s . I felt like I was getting a little obsessed about it and I have been triing not to look at the clock and so when I do its been these #'s only. And Ive seen them other places- like my pager at church this past saturday and the total at the grocery store or I dont even remember. I feel like our family is cresting - at the point of breakthrough. I am declaring it! I know it will come. ok now I'm done.